FYI - there IS a difference between a Redneck and a Hick

[Hoss]

The Ultimate Red Neck



A Wild Animal Park acquired a very rare species of
gorilla. Within a few weeks, the gorilla, who was a female became very
difficult to handle. Upon examination, the park veterinarian determined
the problem. The gorilla was in season. To make matters worse, there was
no male gorilla available. Reflecting on their problem, the park
administrator thought of Ted Standen, a redneck part-time worker, who
was responsible for cleaning the animal's cages. Ted, like most
rednecks, had little sense, but possessed ample ability to satisfy a
female of any species. The administrator thought they might have a
solution. Ted was approached with a proposition. Would he be willing to
mate with the gorilla for $500.00? Ted showed some interest, but said he
would have to think the matter over carefully. The following day, Ted
announced that he would accept their offer, but only under the following
four conditions.

First. Ted said, "I don't want to have to kiss her on the
lips." The park administrator quickly agreed to this condition.
Second. Ted said, "you must never tell anyone about this" The
park administrator again readily agreed to this condition.
Third. Ted said, "I want all the offspring to be raised
Southern Baptist." Once again the administrator agreed.
Fourth. And last of all Ted stated "You've got to give me
another week to come up with the $500.00."