SMART

[Porkinator]

Waiting His Turn: Feliks Goldshtein, 24, was arrested minutes after he allegedly robbed a bank in Ohio on Jan. 8.

He may have tipped off the teller by standing in line while wearing a ski mask before staging the holdup, police said.



Squeezed Out: Michael G. Dick allegedly walked naked into an elderly woman's home

and pushed her into a chair on Dec. 30. But the 88-year-old victim got the best of him,

reaching around and squeezing his crotch. He bolted, and was soon arrested. She was unharmed.



dderly Disorderly? Michelle Allen was arrested for disorderly conduct on Sept. 27 while

wearing a cow costume. Police in Middletown, Ohio, said the 32-year-old was impeding traffic

and chasing children around during a drinking binge. She was reportedly wearing the outfit for a job at a theme park.



Banana Bandit: Police said 17-year-old John Szwalla was holding a banana

under his shirt when he walked into a store in Forsyth, N.C., on May 14, warned he had a gun and demanded money.

Before officers arrived on scene, Szwalla apparently ate the banana, but deputies took photos of the peel, authorities said

. Szwalla faces a charge of attempted armed robbery.





Burrito 'Brake': Jermaine Askia Cooper was leading police on a high-speed chase May 12 when he suddenly stopped at

a Taco Bell, authorities said. Cooper, a suspected drug dealer, said he knew he was going to jail and wanted to get one last burrito

, according to police in Fort Wayne, Ind.