2008 Darwin awards
Posted: Fri Mar 21, 2008 1:52 pm
Without further ado, here are the 2008 Darwin awards:
Eighth Place
In Detroit, a 41-year-old man got stuck and drowned in two feet of
water after squeezing head first through an 18-inch-wide sewer
grate to retrieve his car keys.
Seventh Place
A 49-year-old San Francisco stockbroker, who 'totally zoned when he
ran,' accidentally, jogged off a 100-foot high cliff on his daily run.
Sixth Place
While at the beach, Daniel Jones, 21, dug an 8 foot hole for
protection from the wind and had been sitting in a beach chair at the
bottom!
When it collapsed, burying him beneath 5 feet of sand. People on the
beach used their hands and shovels trying to get him out but could not reach
him. It took rescue workers using heavy equipment almost an hour to
free him. Jones was pronounced dead at a hospital.
>
Fifth Place
Santiago Alvarado, 24, was killed as he fell through the ceiling of a
bicycle shop he was burglarizing. Death was caused when the long
flashlight he had p laced in his mouth to keep his hands free rammed
into the base of his skull as he hit the floor.
Fourth Place
Sylvester Briddell, Jr., 26, was killed as he won a bet with friends
who said he would not put a revolver loaded with four bullets into his
mouth and pull the trigger. (Good topic for 'Deal or No Deal'?)
Third Place
After stepping around a m arked police patrol car parked at the front
door, a man walked into H&J Leather & Firearms intent on robbing the
store. The shop was full of customers and a uniformed officer was standing
at
the counter. Upon seeing the officer, the would-be robber announced a
hold-up,
and fired a few wild shots from a target pistol. The officer and a clerk
promptly
returned fire, and several customers also drew their guns and fired. The
robber
was pronounced dead at the scene by Paramedics. Crime scene investigators
located 47 expended cartridge cases in the shop. The subsequent autopsy
revealed 23 gunshot wounds. Ballistics identified rounds from 7 different
weapons.
No one else was hurt.
HONORABLE MENTION
Paul Stiller, 47, and his wife Bonnie were bored just driving
around at 2 A.M. so they lit a quarter stick of dynamite to toss out the
window to see
what would happen. Apparently they failed to notice the window was closed.
RUNNER UP
Kerry Bingham had been drinking with several friends when one of them
said they knew a person who had bungee-jumped from a local bridge in
the middle of traffic. The conversation grew more heated and at least
10 men trooped along the walkway of the bridge at 4:30 AM. Upon
arrival at the midpoint of the bridge they discovered that no one had
brought a
bungee rope. Bingham, who had continued drinking, volunteered and
pointed out that a coil of lineman's cable, lay near by. They secured
one end around Bingham's leg and then tied the other to the bridge.
His fall lasted 40 feet before the cable tightened and tore his foot
off at the ankle. He miraculously survived his fall into the icy water and
was rescued by two nearby fishermen. Bing ham's foot was never located.
Just have another drink!
AND THE WINNER IS...
Zookeeper Friedrich Riesfeldt ( Paderborn, Germany) fed his
constipated elephant 22 doses of animal laxative and more than a bushel of
berries, figs and prunes before the plugged-up pachyderm finally got
relief.
Investigators say ill-fated Friedrich, 46, was attempting to give the
ailing elephant an olive oil enema when the relieved beast unloaded.
The sheer force of the elephant's unexpected defecation knocked Mr.
Riesfeldt to the ground where he struck his head on a rock as the
elephant continued to evacuate 200 pounds of dung on top of him.
Just one of those freak accidents that proves... 'Sh*t happens'
IT ALWAYS SEEMS IMPORTANT - TO THANK THESE PEOPLE
FOR REMOVING THEMSELVES FROM THE GENE POOL
Eighth Place
In Detroit, a 41-year-old man got stuck and drowned in two feet of
water after squeezing head first through an 18-inch-wide sewer
grate to retrieve his car keys.
Seventh Place
A 49-year-old San Francisco stockbroker, who 'totally zoned when he
ran,' accidentally, jogged off a 100-foot high cliff on his daily run.
Sixth Place
While at the beach, Daniel Jones, 21, dug an 8 foot hole for
protection from the wind and had been sitting in a beach chair at the
bottom!
When it collapsed, burying him beneath 5 feet of sand. People on the
beach used their hands and shovels trying to get him out but could not reach
him. It took rescue workers using heavy equipment almost an hour to
free him. Jones was pronounced dead at a hospital.
>
Fifth Place
Santiago Alvarado, 24, was killed as he fell through the ceiling of a
bicycle shop he was burglarizing. Death was caused when the long
flashlight he had p laced in his mouth to keep his hands free rammed
into the base of his skull as he hit the floor.
Fourth Place
Sylvester Briddell, Jr., 26, was killed as he won a bet with friends
who said he would not put a revolver loaded with four bullets into his
mouth and pull the trigger. (Good topic for 'Deal or No Deal'?)
Third Place
After stepping around a m arked police patrol car parked at the front
door, a man walked into H&J Leather & Firearms intent on robbing the
store. The shop was full of customers and a uniformed officer was standing
at
the counter. Upon seeing the officer, the would-be robber announced a
hold-up,
and fired a few wild shots from a target pistol. The officer and a clerk
promptly
returned fire, and several customers also drew their guns and fired. The
robber
was pronounced dead at the scene by Paramedics. Crime scene investigators
located 47 expended cartridge cases in the shop. The subsequent autopsy
revealed 23 gunshot wounds. Ballistics identified rounds from 7 different
weapons.
No one else was hurt.
HONORABLE MENTION
Paul Stiller, 47, and his wife Bonnie were bored just driving
around at 2 A.M. so they lit a quarter stick of dynamite to toss out the
window to see
what would happen. Apparently they failed to notice the window was closed.
RUNNER UP
Kerry Bingham had been drinking with several friends when one of them
said they knew a person who had bungee-jumped from a local bridge in
the middle of traffic. The conversation grew more heated and at least
10 men trooped along the walkway of the bridge at 4:30 AM. Upon
arrival at the midpoint of the bridge they discovered that no one had
brought a
bungee rope. Bingham, who had continued drinking, volunteered and
pointed out that a coil of lineman's cable, lay near by. They secured
one end around Bingham's leg and then tied the other to the bridge.
His fall lasted 40 feet before the cable tightened and tore his foot
off at the ankle. He miraculously survived his fall into the icy water and
was rescued by two nearby fishermen. Bing ham's foot was never located.
Just have another drink!
AND THE WINNER IS...
Zookeeper Friedrich Riesfeldt ( Paderborn, Germany) fed his
constipated elephant 22 doses of animal laxative and more than a bushel of
berries, figs and prunes before the plugged-up pachyderm finally got
relief.
Investigators say ill-fated Friedrich, 46, was attempting to give the
ailing elephant an olive oil enema when the relieved beast unloaded.
The sheer force of the elephant's unexpected defecation knocked Mr.
Riesfeldt to the ground where he struck his head on a rock as the
elephant continued to evacuate 200 pounds of dung on top of him.
Just one of those freak accidents that proves... 'Sh*t happens'
IT ALWAYS SEEMS IMPORTANT - TO THANK THESE PEOPLE
FOR REMOVING THEMSELVES FROM THE GENE POOL