2008 Darwin awards

[Porkinator]

Without further ado, here are the 2008 Darwin awards:



Eighth Place

In Detroit, a 41-year-old man got stuck and drowned in two feet of

water after squeezing head first through an 18-inch-wide sewer

grate to retrieve his car keys.



Seventh Place

A 49-year-old San Francisco stockbroker, who 'totally zoned when he

ran,' accidentally, jogged off a 100-foot high cliff on his daily run.



Sixth Place

While at the beach, Daniel Jones, 21, dug an 8 foot hole for

protection from the wind and had been sitting in a beach chair at the

bottom!

When it collapsed, burying him beneath 5 feet of sand. People on the

beach used their hands and shovels trying to get him out but could not reach

him. It took rescue workers using heavy equipment almost an hour to

free him. Jones was pronounced dead at a hospital.

>

Fifth Place

Santiago Alvarado, 24, was killed as he fell through the ceiling of a

bicycle shop he was burglarizing. Death was caused when the long

flashlight he had p laced in his mouth to keep his hands free rammed

into the base of his skull as he hit the floor.



Fourth Place

Sylvester Briddell, Jr., 26, was killed as he won a bet with friends

who said he would not put a revolver loaded with four bullets into his

mouth and pull the trigger. (Good topic for 'Deal or No Deal'?)



Third Place

After stepping around a m arked police patrol car parked at the front

door, a man walked into H&J Leather & Firearms intent on robbing the

store. The shop was full of customers and a uniformed officer was standing

at

the counter. Upon seeing the officer, the would-be robber announced a

hold-up,

and fired a few wild shots from a target pistol. The officer and a clerk

promptly

returned fire, and several customers also drew their guns and fired. The

robber

was pronounced dead at the scene by Paramedics. Crime scene investigators

located 47 expended cartridge cases in the shop. The subsequent autopsy

revealed 23 gunshot wounds. Ballistics identified rounds from 7 different

weapons.

No one else was hurt.



HONORABLE MENTION

Paul Stiller, 47, and his wife Bonnie were bored just driving

around at 2 A.M. so they lit a quarter stick of dynamite to toss out the

window to see

what would happen. Apparently they failed to notice the window was closed.



RUNNER UP

Kerry Bingham had been drinking with several friends when one of them

said they knew a person who had bungee-jumped from a local bridge in

the middle of traffic. The conversation grew more heated and at least

10 men trooped along the walkway of the bridge at 4:30 AM. Upon

arrival at the midpoint of the bridge they discovered that no one had

brought a

bungee rope. Bingham, who had continued drinking, volunteered and

pointed out that a coil of lineman's cable, lay near by. They secured

one end around Bingham's leg and then tied the other to the bridge.

His fall lasted 40 feet before the cable tightened and tore his foot

off at the ankle. He miraculously survived his fall into the icy water and

was rescued by two nearby fishermen. Bing ham's foot was never located.

Just have another drink!



AND THE WINNER IS...



Zookeeper Friedrich Riesfeldt ( Paderborn, Germany) fed his

constipated elephant 22 doses of animal laxative and more than a bushel of



berries, figs and prunes before the plugged-up pachyderm finally got

relief.

Investigators say ill-fated Friedrich, 46, was attempting to give the

ailing elephant an olive oil enema when the relieved beast unloaded.

The sheer force of the elephant's unexpected defecation knocked Mr.

Riesfeldt to the ground where he struck his head on a rock as the

elephant continued to evacuate 200 pounds of dung on top of him.

Just one of those freak accidents that proves... 'Sh*t happens'





IT ALWAYS SEEMS IMPORTANT - TO THANK THESE PEOPLE

FOR REMOVING THEMSELVES FROM THE GENE POOL