Chuck Norris
Posted: Sun Jun 04, 2006 1:45 pm
The chief export of Chuck Norris is pain.
Chuck Norris doesn't have hair on his testicles, because hair does not grow on steel.
When Chuck Norris sends in his taxes, he sends blank forms and includes only a picture of himself, crouched and ready to attack. Chuck Norris has not had to pay taxes ever.
Chuck Norris is allowed to talk about Fight Club.
Water boils faster when Chuck Norris watches it.
Chuck Norris clogs the toilet even when he pisses.
Chuck Norris' calendar goes straight from March 31st to April 2nd; no one fools Chuck Norris.
The quickest way to a man's heart is with Chuck Norris's fist.
We all know the magic word is please. As in the sentence, "Please don't kill me." Too bad Chuck Norris doesn't believe in magic.
Chuck Norris once roundhouse kicked Bruce Lee, breaking him in half. The result was Jet Li and Jackie Chan.
Someone once tried to tell Chuck Norris that roundhouse kicks aren't the best way to kick someone. This has been recorded by historians as the worst mistake anyone has ever made.
When Chuck Norris gives you the finger, he's telling you how many seconds you have left to live.
Chuck Norris always gets blackjack. Even when he's playing poker.
When Chuck Norris answers the phone, he just says "Go". This is not permission for you to begin speaking, it is your cue to start running for your life.
Chuck Norris doesn't have hair on his testicles, because hair does not grow on steel.
When Chuck Norris sends in his taxes, he sends blank forms and includes only a picture of himself, crouched and ready to attack. Chuck Norris has not had to pay taxes ever.
Chuck Norris is allowed to talk about Fight Club.
Water boils faster when Chuck Norris watches it.
Chuck Norris clogs the toilet even when he pisses.
Chuck Norris' calendar goes straight from March 31st to April 2nd; no one fools Chuck Norris.
The quickest way to a man's heart is with Chuck Norris's fist.
We all know the magic word is please. As in the sentence, "Please don't kill me." Too bad Chuck Norris doesn't believe in magic.
Chuck Norris once roundhouse kicked Bruce Lee, breaking him in half. The result was Jet Li and Jackie Chan.
Someone once tried to tell Chuck Norris that roundhouse kicks aren't the best way to kick someone. This has been recorded by historians as the worst mistake anyone has ever made.
When Chuck Norris gives you the finger, he's telling you how many seconds you have left to live.
Chuck Norris always gets blackjack. Even when he's playing poker.
When Chuck Norris answers the phone, he just says "Go". This is not permission for you to begin speaking, it is your cue to start running for your life.
