Law's Summer Blockbuster

[law.of.averages]

This film is not yet rated

[Porkinator]

You are going to hell.

[law.of.averages]

The script just writes itself.

The movie opens. Jesus (pronounced Hey-Soos) is just a mild mannered carpenter. He's working a job fixing some shutters in one of the rougher neighborhoods. He's 'round the back of the house working away when a couple of hoodlums show up and start roughing up the residents. He springs to action. He hamstrings one guy with the claw end of his hammer. He falls and splits his head open on the lumber pile. The other he blinds with a left jab to the face with his fist full of ten penny nails.l

Cut to the head villain’s office. The blind guy's been brought in to tell the story (and of course then he gets killed for failing to accomplish his task) The head dude puts the word out on the street that he wants J.C. hung out to dry.

So a slightly bigger group of flunkies show up at his place that night. There's a big fight but he manages to slip away. He figures he needs help so heads down to Home Depot to round up some of his peeps.

He sends Peter and John off to warn his girlfriend Mary that she should keep away from home till the heat blows over. The rest are sent out on Recon to figure out where the bad guy's hideout is.

Judas is captured and offered a deal. He tells the bad guy where he can find Mary in exchange for his freedom. He returns all innocent like and tells J.C. that the head cheese is operating out of an old temple that's being renovated.

About this time, Peter and John return all beat up and bloody to say the bad guy's captured Mary. They all head out ready to but some heads.

They get there and find the place well guarded, but a delivery truck is just pulling up and J.C. has a plan. Simon distracts the delivery guy while J.C. Swaps some delivery paperwork. As a result, instead of 2 cases of Aquafinia, they end up with 2 cases of red wine. The guards can't believe their luck and drink until they pass out.

They get inside, but there's a legion of goons. In the fight they get separated. Judas thumps J.C. On the head knocking him out. He wakes up tied to a post. Judas and the head villian exchange the typical conversation which ends with Judas getting his “just rewards”

The head guy starts zapping J.C. with a hospital crash cart. Laughing the whole time, so he doesn't see Mary and the 4 remaining members of J.C.'s gang enter from the far end of the room. One big ZAP and J.C is down for the count. Mary screams, there's a short fight that ends up with the villian on fire and tumbling out a window.

The gang runs up to J.C. At first they think he's dead... Mary in her grief beats on his chest “why why why” … and he comes around and says “stop hitting me”

fade to black

[Sideous Prime]

omg that's hilarious!!!!